May - An Emotional Roller-Coaster Month

I cannot believe it is May already.  We are entering the 5th month of the year and we are 121/365 days down.  WOW! time flies.  May for me is kind of an emotional roller coaster month.

As an emotional eater this is the time I really need to be aware of my emotions, and my responses. I need to do this to be able not to deviate from the path I am determined to follow.  I have a master goal I choose to reach.  Am I afraid that I am going to fail? Of course I am, but I can only prepare myself to do the best I can, and the best I can is good enough.

I start the month of May on a high.  May 5th (Cinco de Mayo) I will be celebrating my 10th year of being cancer FREE.  This is such a blessing, and such a big milestone for me.  I am so grateful for every day.

Thank you for my life!  Thank you for my life!  Thank you for my life!

May 9th is my Mom's birthday. She would have been 88 years old.  My mom passed away 6 years ago on May 12, 2013, it was Mother's Day that year.  This year happens to fall on the same day too.  I miss her terribly.  I wish she would still be here with me.  I miss her love, her support, and her guidance.  She taught me to do so many things except how to live without her. I love you Mamy, and I carry you in my heart. 

Four days later we were burying her on the day that happens to be my husband's birthday - May 16th.  That day is so bittersweet for me cause I try to celebrate him while I am sad - it is the day I said good-bye to her - until.....

Freddie will be turning 60 years old this year.  It is a big milestone for him.  Unfortunately, he always sees the sadness in me, even though I try to celebrate his special day. I know he understands, but I also feel that it is not fair to him. I love him dearly for this and for so many other things. Happy Birthday my love.

As you can see the ups and the downs that the month of May brings for me takes a toll, and on previous years I have ran to food for comfort.  Eating mindless is what I do best - I numb all my emotions, but at the end I felt worse, ashamed, exhausted and defeated.  No more!!

This time I will embrace whatever emotions I happen to experience.  I will let myself feel sad or happy or in between.  This time I know everything will be OK. Everything is well.

UPDATE
I want to thank everyone for the enormous response I had on my post  "My Big Confession". Thank you so much for the lovely comments, your support, and your best wishes you posted.  I promise I will keep you updated on a weekly basis on my progress.  I also had a lot of questions from many of you, so I will address the main ones on future posts.  Believe me I am going to be transparent and will take you with me throughout  this second weight loss journey. 

As of 4/30/19, I am 21.5 pounds down. I have 18.5 pounds to go.  Yay!  Believe me 18.5 pounds sounds so softer to my ears than when I used to say 40 pounds to go. Some days I struggle with the water intake, but I am doing my best. I am trying to drink a gallon (128oz) a day.  No--- it is not a lot of water to drink, but it is very challenging to achieve.

My sleep is getting better.  My goal is to sleep for 7-8 hours at night.  Sleep is very important for weight loss, and overall health.

I am grateful and I believe in this process.  My mission is to live the best version of myself today and always.